Where it all started

Where it all started

I think to understand what happened in the last 8 years you guys need to know what happened to start me on this path, for this we have to go way back to the 1990’s.


Everyone has a crush at school right? That guy that makes you all shy and giggly, just by walking past you or in those incredible moments when he gosh! Looks at you and maybe even smiles…

Well mine started when I was 14, he was older, brooding, creative, a bit of a loner and gorgeous. I was gawky, awkward, younger (obviously) and rendered a mute whenever he was nearby. Needless to say I managed to embarrass myself a lot! I can still recall with excruciating detail the many embarrassing moments I got myself into when he was around, real please please can the earth just open up and swallow me whole now moments.

I will tell you about one of the worst…

I was 15 so the crush was well and truly established and no I hadn’t managed more than a sort of cross weird smile/grimace/giggle thing whenever he looked in my general direction.

I was standing in line for Drama- my least favourite subject and he walked right past my friends and I to the front of the queue and announced that he was to be our teacher today (he was a 6th form Drama student at the time).

Honestly I almost fainted, then abject terror set in. I was going to have to perform some sort of ammeter dramatics in front of him! The following hour turned out to be so much more worse than that. You all know the children’s party game blind man’s buff?

Well that was our warm up and yes he chose me to be the blind man. He tied a blind fold around my head and spun me around until I was dizzy, he actually touched me!!!!!  My diary had several pages dedicated to that moment- this was the good bit.

So dizzy from the momentous moment just seconds ago I stumbled about a bit and grabbed hold of someone. I started to feel around for clues as to who it was. What I felt were a strong pair of shoulders, a stubbly jaw and a thick head of hair. Yes this was him- M and I was feeling him up in front of my form group.

That was bad.

What followed was worse.

Split into groups of 4 I was with my best friends trying to devise a 2 minute play on Love- this was of course going to equip me well for my future career! My face was growing hotter and redder by the second so much so that my friends were all stood around me fanning my face with their hands. This was the moment M choose to check on our groups progress. Perfect!

I blocked out those two minutes of ‘drama’ that it took my friends and I to perform our depiction of Love in front of the class and M. Suffice to say it was flipping awful and I don’t think I have ever been more embarrassed!

So that hour of my life was horrifying, wonderful, excruciating and in places- well one place the source of a young woman’s fantasy’s for a good while after.

I continued to love from a far until 1999. M finished his A-Levels in 1998 but thank heavens he got work in my local Tesco’s so I got to lurk behind piles of vegetables and shelves of tinned fish trying to act nonchalant and cool as he walked past utterly oblivious to me for a whole year.

Then to my horror I found out he had quit Tecso’s and moved away  and I was naturally devastated.

C xo

©2014 C xo