I started my new job a couple of days later and revelled in the anonymity of my situation. I could be whoever I wanted to be, care free and happy and no one would know any different. I went to work and practised being normal. I smiled and laughed with my co-workers and no one saw me cry.
My nightmares didn’t change and I was still only managing a few hours’ sleep a night, but that seemed normal now. I still panicked when walking alone on the street and often thought I was being followed, but at work I felt safe. M didn’t know I was here.
I got stuck into my new responsibilities part of which was communicating with clients worldwide, LinkedIn would be part of that and although I was nervous about social media I thought that I would be ok. I had never had a LinkedIn account and so M wouldn’t think to look for me on there, and it was a pretty essential part of my job.
I actually enjoyed being able to interact online again, and in just a few days I had built up a number of useful contacts. It seemed to me that this was the fresh start I had hoped for before, I was finally getting it!
Two weeks, that’s how long my peace lasted, I made a simple phone call to my previous office chasing up my last pay cheque, only to find that my details had been changed. M had been notified that I was leaving by a letter they had sent out to my old address- M’s house!
They had written to me at M’s house detailing my last day at the office and the amount due to be paid on the 10th September, which was today. Despite me changing my address with them the day I had started to my mum’s address and then again when I had moved. How M’s address was still on their system I had no idea!
M had responded as me, forging my signature and thanking them for the update and request they make sure my last pay went into my new account- his account.
They checked and confirmed that my money had gone into M’s account that morning; I dropped the phone in shock. Surely this wasn’t possible, surely they would have checked with me? How would I pay my rent? My bills? How would I be able to afford petrol to get to work? He had all my money!
I picked up my phone, and walked out of the office quickly trying to hold back my tears whilst quietly explaining what they had done and that it was M who had changed my details.
I was transferred to the head of the accounts department and he explained that they would have to try to reverse the payment as it had already gone out. This could take over a week to complete, he was very sorry and emailed me a scanned copy of the letter. I hung up the phone exhausted and panicked.
Not here, I tried to calm myself, I was at my new office and I didn’t want them to know about this part of my life. Wearily I called the police, it was only 11.25am they wanted to send someone to my office to take a statement but I persuaded them to come to my house later that evening.
I wanted to protect my new job the best I could, M knew now that I had left my old job, he would be looking for me, I had no doubt about that.
As usual the police took down my details and promised they would be in touch. I waited two days and then got a call; they would not be pressing charges as the CPD felt they could not prove without reasonable doubt in court that M had done this.
I was outraged! Of course he had done this, the officer explained that M had a lodger and that since he could have opened the letter and sent the letter back it wasn’t a viable case and they would not be continuing with it.
I couldn’t believe it and I felt a rush of anger towards M that was white hot, how dare he do this and to be getting away with it too! I managed to hold it together at work, and made excuses not to join people at the pub. I rang all of my direct debits and explained the situation and gave them the police number.
I wondered if my life would ever be simple and easy again. Each day seemed to get harder and harder no matter what I did to try to change it. My saving grace was that I was still just C at work, not poor C or that strange girl that cries a lot, not that girl that got attacked or that one who can’t walk to the station alone.
I was just C and that was my one happiness, I held onto it and spent my days smiling and my nights crying.
©2015 C xo