My journey to work was blissfully short and easy and although I was still getting emails to my work address, my safe journey made a difference to my day. I wanted to get fit so I started running home from work a few days a week, it was a few miles so it was a good work out and I was saving money on my train fares.
Work was still difficult for me, I had had to tell my manager about my situation and it turned out he used to be a police officer and was greatly sympathetic. That helped me a bit, but I was still aware that my performance was being affected and I wasn’t really part of the team so I resolved to try harder.
I put in more effort to hold it together at the office and managed to pick things up a bit and I soon got a few meetings in my diary. in late August I left the office to go to a meeting in town at 11am. I returned at 2.35pm and almost instantly an email popped into my account.
My heart sank it was from M. As I read through it all the air left my body and I shrank back into my chair. He had been watching me, following me to and from my meeting. He was somewhere near the office now!
I looked around me and everything seemed normal, we were on the third floor so I knew I was safe, but what about when I left for the day? Panic set in and I bolted to the loos. Inside a cubicle I called the police and reported todays email and my fear of M waiting for me outside the office. I was advised to not leave the office alone and to be vigilant and if I was worried to call the police.
I couldn’t believe it, I was terrified and pleading for help and all they could do was say keep an eye out!
I didn’t really have much choice and as the afternoon wore on I worried that M would be there waiting for me and what he would do. I didn’t want to ask a colleague or my manager to walk me to the station, it was too embarrassing and personal, so I asked the security guard downstairs.
It was humiliating explaining to him and my cheeks flamed and I spoke, but he was lovely and he arranged cover for the desk and walked me to the station.
The next morning I practically ran from the statin to my office, but nothing happened. In the evening the security guard walked me to the station again and so it continued for a week. It was embarrassing bit I felt safer. I had stopped running as I was too scared to be out in the open alone and what if M followed me home?
The following Tuesday I walked up the steps from the station onto the main road, I had gotten better at just walking quickly rather than running, I rounded the corner to my office, as I went up to the revolving doors a figure stepped out from behind a pillar it was M.
I stopped dead, fear spiking through my body, I looked around and people were in their normal morning rush in their own world not noticing M or me.
‘Hello C, you look good.’ I was rooted to the spot, my eyes darted from M to the door, he was blocking it.
‘Just leave me alone! Please just stop this!!’ He cocked his head to one side and took a step forward, I instinctively stepped back trying to keep the distance between us. His expression changed to one of surprise.
‘You’re scared of me? C, why would you be scared of me?’ I couldn’t believe him, was he serious? After what he had done in the last few months? After the years of abuse?
‘Please leave me alone, I will call the police. You’re not supposed to be here, they told you to stay away from me!’ I looked around for help and saw that the security guard inside had noticed me and was walking towards the glass doors.
‘C, I love you why would you be scared of me?’ He purred in a sickly sweet voice, unaware of the security guard. He was laughing at me.
‘Is everything alright love?’
‘No, can you please ask this man to leave the premises he has been harassing me and the police are aware.’ I sent a silent prayer of thanks, and edged towards the guard. He regarded M for a moment and then took an authoritative step in front of me.
‘Sir, please can you leave, this is private property and this lady works here and you are making her uncomfortable.’
M looked at the guard shrugged his shoulders and walked off, whistling as he did so.
‘Thank you, so much!’ I gushed.
‘No problem love, let’s get you inside.’
I went into work in a daze and like a zombie found my way to my desk, I turned my computer on and tried to act normal. I sat staring at my computer not seeing it, I was in shock.
A very unproductive hour later an email popped into my inbox. It was M, I looked around half expecting him to be standing behind me.
The e mail was long and rambling, M declaring that loved me dearly and he hated seeing me scared that he often thought of me and wanted more than anything for me to give him a chance to prove his love.
I got angry reading it. He was acting as though we had just had an argument or I had caught him cheating on me!
I fumed for a few days straight over his attitude, puzzled by his behaviour and his words. The police arrested M again, and again charged him and let him go. Now the Met police were involved I thought maybe things might improve and I don’t know if it was because of them or maybe it was due to the now large and ever growing file on my case but I now had a case office who I could contact directly, someone who knew the whole case and who was fighting my corner.
I decided my life was my life not his! I wouldn’t let him chase me out of a job I had worked hard to get and I wanted to get fit, so I would get fit!
Fuck M I was going to start running again! It may seem like a little thing, but I had spent weeks afraid to walk out of the office alone.
©2015 C xo