I was lead into a windowless room and asked to sit down, the first thing that I was told was that I should not touch the strip that ran around the wall at waist height as it is there for officers to alert the station of a physical attack. If I touch it several officers will run in and I will be pinned down and arrested for assault.
I folded my arms around my waist and said that I understood.
Next I was told that I wasn’t being arrested however I was being interviewed under caution so the interview would be recorded and I had to speak loudly and clearly and avoid hand gestures or nods.
Once again I said that I understood.
She then read out the caution, I felt so humiliated and guilty, despite knowing I was the wronged party here. She then begun the interview asking my name and address, I told her clearly and explained about my name change.
She cut me off as I started to explain why I had changed my name and said we could get to that later.
I fidgeted in the chair, I felt hot all of a sudden and I could feel my heart banging in my chest, my breathing sounded too loud and I wondered if the tape would pick it up.
As she read out the accusation M had made in full, I marvelled at the absurdity of it. I would never go near him voluntarily. I was terrified of what he would do to me.
I answered each question as clearly as I could, but as the minutes ticked by I began to wonder if the police really thought I had done this.
It was horrible, I can’t think why anyone would do anything voluntarily to be put in this room to be interviewed like this, I felt like I was being judged and that I was a criminal.
The fact was I was still a victim, and M had somehow managed to get the police to do his dirty work this time.
After an hour or so of answering questions relating to M’s claims I was asked about my past relationship with him.
I looked up at the officer and asked her how much detail should I go into and where should I start? Us together or the stalking?
She said from the beginning and so I started the story.
I hated having to say the words out loud again, to see the distaste on her face as I described my life with M. But that was nothing to having to relive the events of the past 3 years, the phone calls, the emails, M following me, waiting outside my house, leaving slashed and broken ‘gifts’, hacking my Facebook and posting naked images of me, petrol on my car, the attack outside my office, leaving my job, the Valentines cards to my co-workers with naked images of me on them, the complaints to my managers, the adult gifts with my business cards, the post card, changing my name, having to change it again when he found me, him turning my website into a prostitution site, the court case, the arson threats, turning up at the marathon, him being let out of prison early…
I tried to give as much detail as I could and but I felt so exposed, so alone sitting in that chair in a dark room. All the time worrying that charges were about to be brought against me.
After over two hours the interview concluded. I felt a stab of fear as to what was coming next, I was asked to go outside and wait as the officer went to speak to her superiors.
I went outside and found my Mum exactly where I had left her, and W who had clearly popped out to get drinks was reading the paper. They jumped up hopeful that we could leave. Their faces fell as I told them that I had to wait.
15 minutes creeped by, and then the officer was back she asked me to come into another room and there she explained what her sergeant had said.
As she spoke, I realised they knew exactly what M was, and what he was trying to do. Relief flooded through me and my shoulders relaxed for the first time in days.
I was free to leave they knew I was innocent and what was more they were looking into what M had done. She apologised to me and explained that they had to follow procedure.
I understood this; M was the sort of person that would make a big thing about a complaint if they hadn’t. I was told to wait for a phone call on further news and with that I left.
My mum and W both grabbed a hand each as we walked out of the station; tears of relief mingled with pain and pity for myself fell down my face. Both of them squeezed my hands and told me it was going to be ok. I was safe, I was loved and M would get what he deserved.
I tried to smile; I didn’t want to ruin my brother’s birthday meal and had to get it together in the next 40 minutes.
But I was scared, I had known M could go to my mum house, but we were prepared for that. I hadn’t thought he could get to me personally like this again not with my new name, unknown address and unknown workplace. I wasn’t online on social media save for this very blog and as you know my lovely readers you don’t know my real name or where I live or work.
I walked to the car led by two of my favourite people in the whole world, on my way to a birthday party, with my ordeal over. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the end. There was more and I couldn’t get away from it.
©2015 C xo